Hi all. We had another team visit at the cleft clinic today. It started out with a long wait in the waiting room with an 8 and 4 year old boy who asked me every question imaginable about Grace. Where is she from? Did you go the whole way there to get her? Where is her real Mom? Why did her foster parents abandon her? What is wrong with her? After these question and more the 4 year old says... "Well, you are not her real Mom you are just her Mom for now." I was proud that I kept a smile on face and of my quick answer... Yes, her Mom for now and forever. Aren't I lucky to be Gracie's Mommy for now and forever! I read a great article the other day that made the point that it does not matter how rude someone is or intrusive or offensive their questions or comments are. It is YOUR reaction that impacts the child. Getting angry, embarrassed, and defensive just shows your child that they have something to be ashamed of. The article advises to answer calmly, assuredly, educationally or to use humor to let the person know the questioning was out of line. Here are a few lines from the article I love...
Empirical research has strongly supported the notion that a parent's attitude toward a child's birth defect is the single strongest indicator as to how well the child will adjust. Parents who had healthy attitudes toward their child's cleft had children with a strong positive sense of self. It is no coincidence.
If you convince your child that you love him, then he sees himself as lovable. Even if your love is unconditional. If you cannot deal with any aspect of your child, then that aspect becomes his millstone.
Anyway, back to the team visit. Again, we just LOVE the team there and we were so proud of Grace. When we saw Dr. Mackay (the Dr. who will do her lip and palate work and plastic surgery) Grace started singing Amazing Grace so Dr. Mackay started calling her Amazing Grace. He must have said it 10 times. It was so sweet. Maureen, the speech therapist, was so impressed with Grace. Her schedule is packed full but she promised to make a spot for her every week.
Hershey Med. will call us within the next 2 weeks to schedule surgery. We are thinking sometime in Feb. or March. Grace will have 3 surgeries at one time. A total lip revision which will attach the muscles in her upper lip, close the hole in her nose, and cosmetically improve her upper lip and area under her nose. That was all 1 surgery. The 2nd being a Z-plasty which lengthens her palate and the 3rd being an attempt to close the hole in her palate that was not closed in China. He blocked off 3 hours to do the surgeries. 3 hours will be a long time to be praying in a waiting room! Our prayer is that he hits it out of the park.
Dr. Mackay continues to believe that Grace will need much repair. After the Z-plasty he is thinking she will need Pharyngoplasty. After Pharyngoplasty is P-Flap which we are really hoping to avoid because it can cause sleep apnea which is very serious. The reason for these surgeries is to enable her to speak clearly. If she speaks well after Z-plasty there will be no need for more surgeries of this nature. We get the impression that this is very unlikely for Grace but we will pray to this end as we know God is able. There are other surgeries later, age 8 and beyond, for other reasons... jaw alignment... cosmetic changes... orthodontia... and bone graft surgery.
A friend of mine asked me these questions... What do you fear the most? What is the "worst case scenario"? Do you believe God will be faithful in it? Although I have trembled through every possible worst case scenario before bringing Grace home I think currently, and very thankfully, my new "worst case scenario" would be that she would not be able to speak clearly. I guess eventually if this is the case we will lower our expectations and assume that she could only make as much of an impact on this world than a man we all know who was also slow of speech... Moses;)
No comments:
Post a Comment